My Momma’s liver function tests are abnormal. Her doctor ordered a CT scan to be done. Some of you may remember that I made this diagnosis in December after her Christmas visit.I didn’t mention it to anybody but you because none of us really wanted to know. Now we are going to know but we aren’t going to do anything.
My friends and family tell me how lucky I am. How fortunate we are to have had such a long life together. How young they were when their mother or father died. I don’t feel lucky. I feel sad. And scared for both of us. We are not afraid of death but we are afraid of dying.
Since I couldn’t sleep, I got up to walk the dog and watch the sunrise. I had been wanting to do it for months. Stand in the driveway and gaze to the east end watching as the trees separated themselves from black night turning gray to brown and the clouds picked themselves out too. The horizon followed the sun’s enlightenment as it lifted to a rose hue then turned white to blue gray.
Already this illness has given me one gift. I’ll try to look for another.