August 15, 2018
Cancer and the resulting chronic pain created a life that mandates laser focus and attention.
Loving and worshipping God requires that same concentration yet too often we drift towards distraction and away from peace. God calls us back faithfully. Returning attention to Him or Her, to the power, grace and mercy of the Trinity, to the flow of their everlasting love has become a lifeline for me. Meditation and prayer heal also and I hope that you experience the light of Christ moving through you even as you read these words.
Remember the last time you had the flu and you were leaning over the toilet throwing up? That’s perfect concentration, divine meditation on one specific point—”please make it stop.” Nothing distracts you and diminishes the power behind that one obsession you now hold sacred.
“Let that be the last time. Make me well.”
When you’re given a cancer diagnosis, sitting in a room with doctors who want to “make you comfortable” that same laser sharp focus comes into play. All you can think of is NOOOO. This is not my life. This is not happening. I am not ready to die.
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to go right now.
“Quick, come pray for me. I’m dying,”
I grabbed my minister’s hand between services and we prayed–for wisdom and faith, for the doctors to be wrong, for the cancer not to be so determined to live, snuffing out my life in the process.
“Why God? Why me, why now, why aggressive and rare and systemic?”
But a friend came over when she heard. She came to pray and speak hope over me. “Your ways are not my ways, your thoughts are not my thoughts.
Forget the question why, Julia.
Focus on healing and wholeness. I declare the light of God falling over you and sustaining you with his Holy Spirit. Ask others to pray also but only if they can hold you healed and well in their imagination.”
And so, I did this and was sustained. You can be too.