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“With long life will I satisfy her and show her my salvation.”—Psalm 91:16

My church is preaching healing over me during the service–wth the entire congregation. And guess what? It’s working. None of my symptoms have completely disappeared but they are all better. My tinnitus is softer, no more nausea, my lymphedema is resolving, my feet are much less numb and without the stabbing pain, my thoughts and memory have more clarity and my balance is better. Praise God, I have both faith and belief in my healing. Our God is awesome. Here is the promise He made to me 2014. I’m going to document some of these miraculous events through my blog. Follow. You may be surprised and delighted.

Excerpt from my book, Who Cares About the Numbers?

aerial shot of blue water
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Long life—that’s the promise I heard, God were you there? The psalmist David wrote a love song to God, declaring thanks for restitution and protection. Even after he sinned with another man’s wife, murdered her husband, gave way to an awful malady, and was hunted down like an animal, he praised God, begging not to be forgotten.

Typically, I sang praises of gratitude also. But recently, there had been more lamenting. And King David assured me that lamenting is also noble.

Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. For you have rescued my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from stumbling. I shall walk before the Lord in the land of the living.—Psalm 116.

The chemo was extended from twenty weeks to twenty-four, and it’s hard. I find myself weeping in bed after my husband has gone to work, reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s No Fear, No Death. I row my boat over the pages of eternity. “The flame in the match is always there, although it is not manifest until we strike it. When we strike the match and light the candle, blowing out the match, is the flame still manifest in the match?”

“Yes!” I yell from my bed, my soul ascending over my body. Surely death is more like a snake shedding its skin and slithering off to parts unknown, than a mere snake skin lying lifeless and abandoned without a journey.

yellow animal dangerous head
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photo of happy baby sitting on high chair eating
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In this misery, I put down Tich Nhat Hahn and look at photo albums Momma created with love—a baby in a smocked dress, a middle schooler in a homemade orange striped jumper, a college student sitting at a football game, cheering. Am I this person or that other? Is the one who types and posts, paints and heals the same girl that won the third-grade spelling bee, but now can’t spell brilliant? Is that girl who placed second in the state audition contest with a Mozart concerto the same one that can barely play hymns today? Who will my daughter be when I pass away, if not mine?

Once born, does the trajectory of life continue throughout eternity, interrupted by the twists and turns of time, until each piece separates before coming back together to create a unified whole? I realize that God knows when I will shed this skin for parts unknown. He knows I do not. But what I do know is that I will never die. I will be manifest or non-manifest like the flame in the match, but will never cease to exist. I am with and not with, forever.

black cross on top of mountain
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Message: There will be times when death and thoughts of death chase you. This is normal and cannot be avoided. When your doctors tell you that your disease is life-threatening, you are going to be fearful. When these thoughts invade your thinking, don’t try to chase them away. Sit with them. God has promised eternity to those who believe in Him. You are life. As it was in the beginning, it is now, and shall be forever.

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